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Remembering who I am

Photo by Jannica Honey

Seeing this photo reminded me of who I am and what I love about Dark Fusion. I'm an explorer and a mother, I crave adventures outside the mundane daily life to feel connected to myself, but the irony of it all is that I can't do it alone. I need to connect with other human beings, to share the adventure, guiding you into the wild outdoors or the wilderness inside while lovingly keeping you safe.

Sharing emotions without word, a fundamental human experience that we are getting more and more removed from behind our screens and in our carefully curated performances. The video performances have given us plenty of opportunity to reach out and connect beyond borders, but it have also given us hours of hours staring at ourselves on a screen, trying to edit away imperfections. A hopeless task that, at least for me, have been chipping away at the joy and leaving me to feel utterly inadequate and uninspired. I've pretty much stopped sharing full performances as I just keep seeing flaws.

So when the fierce Amazon Karin Victorin suggested I would join Arise Amazons - The green theory - out in the forests of Nackareservatet, I did not hesitate for a second. Nervous and excited I arrived and was welcomed by Rebecca Tiger, a force of nature that I expected to be pretty intimidating considering her powerful presence. But instead I felt welcomed and cared for as she helped me find the perfect spot and very clearly communicated that we (the artists) could feel safe and empowered to do our own thing on our own terms.

During the event people came and went, exploring the forest and it's artist inhabitants and every meeting was an experience in it's own. The coming and going at their own pace gave them and me a chance to let us connect very directly and in very different ways. It could be playing together with fan veils among the trees or having my little green sanctuary as a stage and embody a warrior of the forest wielding my swords. Giving their energy and interaction, every person passing by contributed to how the movement developed and for the first time in a long time I could enjoy the process of creation without pressure and anxiety.

The evening culminated in a magical ceremony and I danced, filled with joy, to the beats of the live drums and the powerful voices of the choir and I felt at home, empowered and so much love for everybody sharing the experience.

Dark Fusion for me is not about dressing in black (even though I prefer that), it's to tap into the whole range of emotions. Exploring the sadness as well as the joy and sharing unapologetically, not feeling a need to look cool in any certain way. This picture reminds me that when I'm given space (and allow myself) to be all me, then I don't give a rats ass about my body imperfections, I feel beautiful. Thank you so much Jannica, for capturing this magical moment in time (and so many other that night).

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