Small steps

Updated: Sep 9, 2020

Searching for something, but I'm not sure what... It's basically the story of my life, always looking for change, always struggling with consistency.


I've recently turned 40 and for the first time in my life I'm medicating my ADD to help me function better. The good parts are a feeling of a little more control. My relationship to food have become more relaxed and healthy (I'll not bore you with the details but please feel free to ask if you wan't to hear more about it). A huge frustration in dance has always been my difficulty to learn choreography and I'm noticing an improvement.


The bad part is that, I'm still "me". A little better focus does not help much when I'm having huge difficulties working from home or getting started. Structure is the key and it always seems to illude me. I plan, make lists and set goals and then I end up running around scrambling to sort out details last minute because I tried doing everything at once. In theory I know what I should do - smaller steps. But I tend to feel the small steps are not good enough! If I suggest jogging and hubby says "no, but how about a walk?" I may very well think that's not enough of a workout and just skip the whole thing. Not good enough is also the reason I almost never finish choreographies.


During the fall I will not be teaching, I'll focus on my own development as a performer. I've been frustrated for a long time, feeling that I'm stuck and don't get any better. Practice is a very important part, but discussing is very helpful to get out of my head and find new inspiration to get moving. Three very insightful and inspiring people that I've been talking a lot with lately is Mana, Elnaz and Maria and it feels very special to create a live show together with them in less than two weeks. I'm totally stressing out about the technical bits that I don't have full control over yet, but I'm also happy and excited!

Photo by: Elnaz


So if you would happen to read this and wonder, what's this blog going to be about... well, I'm not sure yet. For now it's mostly for me, another way to structure my thoughts. But as always, I'm welcome any feedback and suggestions with open arms. Would be a lot of fun to write about something that could be interesting for someone else as well!


Until next time - lots of love and Corona safe virtual kisses.


#firstpost #development #reflections

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